


This One Is For You

by fragileb0nes



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Drinking, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Lost Love, Moving On, Post-Captain America: The First Avenger, Post-War, Steggy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3411812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragileb0nes/pseuds/fragileb0nes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peggy would never miss her date at the Stork Club, even if he would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This One Is For You

**Author's Note:**

> I know things like this have been done over and over again, but when it’s late at night and sad music is on and I’m thinking about Peggy Carter aka the love of my life missing the love of her life, I can’t seem to help myself. Sorry not sorry.

A year ago, she had walked with great purpose, almost rushing to something she knew wouldn't be there regardless, no matter how fast or how slow she got there. That was a year ago, this year she took her time. Peggy had time, plenty of time. It wasn't eight just yet. It was pleasant outside, a bit brisk but bearable enough for her to want to slow down her pace and appreciate it. She breathed in deeply, letting the outside air really fill her lungs before she'd go inside where it'd be hot and stuffy. Her shoes were already hurting her, but only because they weren't broken in very well. They were her nicest pair, and shouldn't have been. When she bought them, she purchased them with the intention of getting good use out of them, they were dancing shoes after all. She could see the sign up ahead, she was close. And with every step she took towards her destination, the knot in her stomach got heavier and heavier. There was no turning around and going home though, she'd made a date and she was going to keep it. The Stork Club awaited her.

There was a bit of a crowd outside the doors since the weather was nice enough to make people want to smoke outside, and everyone looked like a million bucks. A man turned from his group of friends and gave his cigarette a long drag as he looked her over, the smoke came streaming out of the side of his lips that were curling into a wanting smile. He probably would have made a comment- something smooth and charming to try and grab her attention, but the look on her face kept him from opening his mouth. That was smart of him.

She breathed in deeply as she stood in the doorway that led to the dance floor and taproom. It looked beautiful, perfect even. It was the picture of a lively time- with parties of good time seekers around the tables against the of one side of the room and patrons at the bar on the other side of the lavish room with people occupying the dance floor in between. Peggy swallowed when she realized she needed to start breathing again.

The man outside wasn't the only one who looked her way, she noticed, when she started to make her way towards the bar. People looked her way here and there in subtle admiration, as they should have. She looked beautiful, stunning, classy, and absolutely attention grabbing. That's what her intentions had been the first time she put on the red dress years before. She'd meant to grab his attention and make him stare, make him want her more than he already did- more than she wanted him.

Thankfully, there was an open stool at the bar that she slid onto with ease. "Schnapps, please. Make it a double." She said to the busy bar tender.

"Double?" He smiled wryly and spoke loudly to be heard over the music. "You sure?"

"Positive," She nodded once and grinned through how annoyed she was by him.

"Coming right up," He tossed the rag in his hands to rest on his shoulder and nodded. He pulled out a large bottle and a glass from under the bar and poured her drink, smiling. "Drinking for two?"

Peggy cocked her head and squeezed her clutch in her hands, her knuckles going white. "Something like that."

The bartender slid her the glass filled with the liquid fire, and she didn't waste much time staring at it before throwing it back, letting it burn a path down her throat. She squeezed her eyes tight and swallowed hard, forcing it down. It was like flames, burning her from the inside out, but she'd felt worse in her life.

"Another," She said.

"Sure thing," The bartender replied, finally realizing she meant business.

Peggy downed another double Schnapps and let the warm buzz that came from her drink start to bleed its way through her whole body. She knew if she wanted to picture it right, she'd have to be good and drunk. She purposefully skipped lunch that day to speed up the process and make sure that if she got sick, there wouldn't be much to spill. She inhaled slowly and deeply with her fingers laced around her glass, and dipped her head with her eyes gently closed. It took focus to make it vivid, and maybe another drink. But maybe not- the harder she thought with a foggy head, the more it came to her.

* * *

_She looked up from her glass and directed her gaze towards the door. It was crowded and busy, but he was impossible to miss, not with those broad shoulders and purposeful walk. He stepped into the room and it was like the loud music got quiet, surely not to interrupt his entrance. He was in uniform, looking prim and proper and perfect. The metals and brooches on his blazer glinted off the lights just right. He scanned the room, a searching look on his face. His pretty eyes finally found her, and a small smile crept onto his face looking like it could break her heart all over again and then put it back together._

_There he was. Steve._

_He stepped forward towards her, and she smiled as he made his way across the room. Her heart beat fast in her chest, knocking around like a racehorse that was dying to break free from the gate. He took his time to get to her, far too long, in fact. He leaned forward against the bar once he made it to her, still with a gentle and familiar grin on his face._

_"You're late." She said with a raised eyebrow, circling the rim of her glass with her finger._

_"Sorry," He said. His voice still sounded the same, from what she could remember. It'd been too long since she heard it coming out of his mouth. "I got caught up."_

_"Better late than never, I suppose." She glanced at him with a playful look in her eyes. "Shall we get started?"_

_"Might as well get it over with," He chuckled and shrugged._

_"Don't be daft, Rogers. It'll be fun." She grinned. "Another Schnapps, please." She said to catch the bartender's attention._

_"I don't think liquor will do me any good, Peg."_

_"You?" She laughed as she took the drink she'd just been given. "This isn't for you, it's for me. I'm the one that's about to dance with Captain America, poor sap who can take out Hydra soldiers without a problem but can't dance to save his life." She winked and sipped down her drink, setting the glass back down on the bar. "Ready?"_

_"As I'll ever be,"_

_She slid off of her barstool and took a step forward before turning around and putting out a hand. "Coming?"_

_His dreamboat eyes looked down at her outreached hand and flicked up to her face with a wary and timid look in them accompanied by a willing smile on his lips. "Yeah, I'm coming alright."_

_He took her hand, and the first thing she noticed was that it wasn't as warm to the touch as it had been the year before when she'd seen him at the Stork Club. Her fingers curled around his much larger ones and led him out to the dance floor. Just as they had reached the center, the band began playing something sweet and slow. She turned and stood in front of him once they were in the middle of the rest of the dancers, still holding his hand._

_"Put your hand on my waist, Steve." She instructed._

_"Here?" He asked as he placed his one hand gingerly on her waist._

_"Good," She nodded. "But don't stand so far away. We're not strangers, after all."_

_He nodded and stepped forward, his chest bumping hers softly. She picked up her other hand and placed it on his shoulder._

_"Now just move with the music, what feels natural."_

_"Nothing about this is natural, Peggy." He chuckled nervously._

_She smiled and rolled her eyes. "I'm not asking you to walk the plank, it's just dancing."_

_The song played on and Steve struggled through, obviously over thinking the whole thing._

_"Do you like my shoes, Steve?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"I was just curious to see if you liked my shoes, since they're all you're looking at."_

_He cocked his head back up and smirked at her with narrowed eyes._

_She pressed her lips together tightly to keep from laughing and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "Relax, Steve. Relax and look at me."_

_He swallowed and nodded, studying her face, looking at it her with the same adoration he had so long ago. "You look beautiful, Peggy."_

_She smiled warmly and tilted her head. "You don't look so bad yourself, Captain."_

_They danced to a few songs, much better now that he was focused on her. Peggy couldn't look away from him, she had to soak him in while he was still there in front of her. His presence was lingering and so was the alcohol that made him so vivid._

_"Not so bad, right?" She asked after the next song ended._

* * *

"Another," She said tightly over the sound of the music.

"What?" The bartender replied, also trying to outdo the music.

"Another double, if you would." She barked it like it was an order.

The bartender nodded hastily and didn't waste any time to keep her drunk. The Schnapps went blazing down her throat again, painful and just right.

* * *

_"I don't want to seep into the floor, so no, it's okay." He grinned. "Do you want to sit down?"_

_"No," She answered a little too quickly and a bit too rushed. "I want to stay right here."_

_"Whatever you want,"_

_Peggy nodded and leaned forward, gently putting her face to his chest. There was no heartbeat under the fabric of his clothes, she'd lost the ability to feel that so long ago. She breathed him in slowly, wishing he could become a part of her that she would never have to miss again._

_"Steve?" She said, her voice sounded smaller than before._

_"Yeah, Peg?" He answered, dipping his head slightly to hear her better._

_"It's been too long."_

_He inhaled slowly. "I know, Peggy. I know."_

_"I miss you."_

_"I know you do, I miss you too." His voice was heavy with sadness._

_"It's not fair." Her voice cracked. "You saved the world, and you didn't even get to see it."_

_He shook his head. "Knowing that you're safe is enough."_

_The fingers of her hand on his shoulder curled tightly around his blazer. "It's not enough for me."_

_"I'm sorry you had to listen in the end there, I know it keeps you up at night."_

_She shook her head. "I don't care."_

_"I do."_

_"What keeps me up is not having closure, Steve. And I'm sorry."_

_"Sorry for what?"_

_She picked up her head and looked at his face, it looked comforting and sad all at the same time. "For not bringing you home. All we wanted was to bring you home. We looked; Howard still looks for you."_

_"I wish he'd stop that."_

_"He can't stop." She corrected him. "He can't stop until you can come home."_

_"That's just it," He shrugged. "I had no home to come back to."_

_"Steve, you bloody idiot." She laughed sadly and shook her head, doing her best to keep tears from spilling over. She put her hand on his chest and tried pushing him gently to make a point, but he didn't go anywhere. "I wanted to be your home."_

_He looked over her face and swallowed hard, pulling her closer to him. She ducked her head back against his chest and bit her lip so hard she swore it was going to bleed._

_"I never got to tell you." She muttered. "I never told you how much-"_

_"You didn't have to." He cut her off. "I already knew."_

_She swallowed and nodded. "As long as you knew."_

_"It's okay, Peggy." He murmured since he could feel how tense she was. "Just keep dancing."_

_She laughed sadly again over the fact that_ he _was telling_ her _to dance, and a tear spilled over and started to run down her cheek, but she was quick to wipe it away carefully. She'd spent time on her makeup and a few tears weren't going to ruin it._

_They were quiet as a few more songs played on, they simply swayed carefully to the music and kept each other close. Time wasn't making it easier like people always said it did; time was only making her more angry and frustrated. Angry that he was gone and frustrated because there was nothing she could do about it. Steve was lost in the ice and all she was left with was a teary illusion she made with liquor and sadness. She knew damn well the hole he punched through her chest the day he crashed that plane was never going to truly refilled. Not with alcohol, not with a figment of her imagination, not with anything._

_"Peggy," He said her name softly._

_She didn't answer him, only keeping her eyes closed and trying to focus on him and the music._

_"Peggy," He said her name again. "I gotta go, Peg."_

_"Go?" Her head popped back up. "But you just got here." He'd stayed longer last year._

_"I know," He replied wearily. "But I gotta leave now."_

_She couldn't fight him, even if she wanted to. She swallowed the hard lump in throat and nodded. "Promise me you'll be back again."_

_"I'll be back," He nodded and said reassuringly. There was a promising and heartbreaking smile on his face. "I can't stay away from my best girl forever."_

_She nodded again, holding him close to her one more time. She breathed in his scent, or what she could remember from it._

_"Stay outta trouble, okay?"_

_"Only for so long," She shrugged and rolled her eyes blithely, or tried to at least. She laid a hand on his face that he tilted his head into. "I'll miss you," She mouthed._

_He nodded. "I'll miss you too," He leaned forward and kissed her at her hairline before looking over her face again and wiping away another tear with his thumb. "Goodbye, Peggy."_

_"Goodnight, Steve." Saying goodbye was too hard, goodnight seemed easier somehow. She squeezed his hand and watched him go, releasing his hand as he walked away. He weaved his way through the people still dancing and reached the door, only to half turn and wave once with a sad smile. Peggy picked her hand up and waved back, trying her best to keep her lip from quivering so much. He turned back around and stepped out. Back out into the street. Back out into the ice._

_He was gone._

* * *

"Excuse me, miss?" The bartender said, trying to grab her attention.

"Yes?" Peggy replied, her voice sounding hoarse as she was dragged back to reality. 

"We're getting ready to close for the night."

She looked around the room and saw it was almost empty, most of the people had gone home. Her rear hurt from sitting in the uncomfortable barstool for so long. "Right," She nodded. "Could I maybe get one more drink? Just for the road, is all."

The bartender looked at her with pity that she hated, he probably thought she'd simply been stood up. He nodded. "They're on the house."

"Oh, you don't have to do that," She shook her head. The last thing she wanted was handouts or someone feeling sorry for her.

"It's okay," He shrugged. "It looks like you could use them."

"That much is true." She admitted, peering down at the empty glasses in front of her.

"That's a nice pin you got there," He nodded to the pin fastened to her dress over her heart, the round, patriotic colored one with a star in the middle. "Captain America- loved that guy." He said as he poured her last drink.

Peggy cocked her head, closing her burning eyes and smiling to keep from crying. "Me too,"

He handed her the new glass. "You gonna get home alright?"

"I'll be just fine." She assured him. He didn't know about the knife strapped to her thigh or the pistol in her handbag.

"'Kay," He nodded. "You can sit there as long as you like, at least till I have to go home myself."

She nodded and grinned in appreciation. "Thank you,"

"Sure," He walked away to keep cleaning the bar.

Peggy lifted the glass to her lips, staring at the contents. " _This_ one, Steve." She murmured and drank it down slower than the ones before, letting it take its time to burn her. "This one is for you."


End file.
